puzzles...

i was never the kid that asked my mother if i could please play with a puzzle. i don't even remember owning a puzzle. ah. whatever. they were entertaining enough. but when i could no longer see the big picture for the millions of small cut-outs, i gave up.
i mean, seriously, that does work sometimes. some people say, quitters never win. sure, maybe. but i think, if you don't want to finish, then don't finish. so you walk away.
but sometimes, only sometimes, you come across a puzzle that is truly worth finishing. seriously my roommates and all the guys had this huge 10,000 (hello, hyperbole?) piece puzzle one time that took MONTHS to finish. but a little bit at a time, and it was complete.
so my puzzle?
education.
there are so many unfitting, jagged edges that are playing against me right now. when i'm sitting in the classroom observing, i think, what the hell am i doing? these kids sure don't care. why should i? but then, when away from the classroom, i am beating my brains out trying to think of ways to get through to these kids. it is a true puzzle.
i'm pretty sure i can do this. maybe i'm an idealist living in the world of mona lisa smile and dead poet's society, but i'm pretty sure i can do this. i think that i can find the missing piece. i hope so, anyway.
see, student teaching is way more than making the grade. it's about finding a way into the hearts of these kids and finding what it is that makes their hearts beat. i'm going to do it...but i struggle with whether or not i am up for it...can i handle it?
what if they don't let me in?
what if i try so hard and then decide that i don't want in?
what if it requires more than i am capable of giving?